Author: Sokoga Ategbe

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What We Get Wrong About Love

👉 Is Christian love just being nice? What about correction, boundaries, and truth?

“Just love everybody.”
“You’re a Christian, you shouldn’t talk like that.”
“That’s not loving, it sounds too harsh.”

Sound familiar?
We’ve all heard it.
And if you’ve ever tried to speak truth in love, correct someone gently, or say no with grace—chances are, someone questioned whether you were being “Christian enough.”

Because somewhere along the way, we began to confuse love with niceness.

🧁 Love Is Not Cotton Candy

Let’s be honest: most people think love is:

  • Soft
  • Quiet
  • Accommodating
  • Always smiling
  • Never disagreeing

Basically… a giant human marshmallow.
But the truth is, biblical love has depth, fire, and boundaries.

Jesus flipped tables in love.
Paul rebuked churches in love.
Nathan confronted David in love.
God disciplines us in love.

So let’s be clear:
Love is not always “nice.”
Sometimes it’s tough, inconvenient, and confrontational—but it’s always rooted in truth and concern.

💣 The Danger of Nice Christianity

We’re raising a generation of believers who can’t stand truth because it doesn’t feel good.

We think that any form of confrontation = hatred.
Any disagreement = pride.
Any correction = judgement.

But love that never tells the truth?
That’s not love.
That’s comfort masquerading as compassion.

“Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful.” – Proverbs 27:6

If your love never challenges anyone, it might be approval, not love.

🧱 Love Has Boundaries

Yes, God is love.
But God also says “no.”
He draws lines.
He gives warnings.
He disciplines those He loves (Hebrews 12:6).

In the name of “love,” some people are enabling toxicity.
In the name of “peace,” they’re becoming doormats.
But real love knows when to speak, when to walk away, and when to stand firm.

You can love people and still have standards.
You can love deeply and still set boundaries.
You can forgive fully and still say “you can’t keep hurting me.”

Jesus didn’t run after everyone who walked away.
Let that sink in.

🗣️ Truth Without Love Is Cruel — But Love Without Truth Is Empty

Yes, some people use “truth” as an excuse to be harsh.
They’re not correcting—they’re attacking.
They’re not helping—they’re humiliating.

But on the flip side…
Some people are so afraid of being seen as judgmental that they say nothing—even when someone they care about is headed for disaster.

“Speak the truth in love.” – Ephesians 4:15

Not just truth.
Not just love.
Both.

Truth without love is like surgery without anesthesia.
Love without truth is like a bandage on a bullet wound.

🤷🏽 So What Does Real Love Look Like?

Real love:

  • Listens – not just to respond, but to understand.
  • Speaks truth – even when it’s uncomfortable.
  • Sets boundaries – because “yes” without limits becomes abuse.
  • Forgives – but doesn’t pretend nothing happened.
  • Corrects gently – not to condemn, but to restore.
  • Serves – but doesn’t lose itself in the process.
  • Sacrifices – but not sanity.

📖 What We Get Wrong

  • Myth: Love = saying yes to everything.
    Truth: Love sometimes says no, stop, or this is not okay.
  • Myth: Love means being liked by everyone.
    Truth: Jesus was crucified by the same people He came to love.
  • Myth: If it hurts, it’s not love.
    Truth: Sometimes love hurts in order to heal.

💬 Final Thoughts

We’re called to love, not please.
To speak truth, not sugarcoat.
To walk in compassion with conviction.

Love is patient.
Love is kind.
Love does not rejoice in evil—but rejoices in the truth (1 Corinthians 13:6).
Real love holds your hand and holds you accountable.

So let’s stop watering it down.

Love isn’t just nice.
It’s real.
And real love is bold, clear, kind, and courageous.

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What We Get Wrong About Spiritual Warfare

👉 Is everything a demon? Can you really pray away problems? And what does the Bible actually say about fighting spiritual battles?

Raise your hand if you’ve ever heard this:

“It’s not ordinary.”
“You need to pray!”
“There’s something spiritual behind it.”

In Nigeria, if you trip and fall, it’s spiritual.
If NEPA takes light during your favorite show—spiritual.
If you’re single at 30? You guessed it—witchcraft. 🧙🏾‍♀️

But let’s pause and ask:

Are we getting spiritual warfare wrong?

🕵🏽‍♂️ Not Everything Is a Demon

First things first: yes, spiritual warfare is real.
Scripture says:

“We wrestle not against flesh and blood…” – Ephesians 6:12

But let’s not swing the pendulum too far.
Because sometimes:

  • That headache is from dehydration—not an arrow from the village.
  • That breakup wasn’t a marine spirit—it was poor communication.
  • That business failed—not because of curses, but because of bad planning.

👉 Discernment is not the same as paranoia.

We can’t keep blaming demons for what discipline could fix.

🗡️ Spiritual Warfare ≠ Spiritual Laziness

Here’s another mistake:

People think spiritual warfare is only about prayer and fasting.
So, we shout at mountains…
…but we never climb them.

Yes, prayer is powerful.
But so is wisdom, boundaries, therapy, honesty, repentance, accountability.

Fighting spiritually doesn’t mean avoiding reality.
It means engaging with it through the lens of Christ.

Jesus didn’t just pray in the wilderness—He quoted Scripture.
He didn’t just speak in tongues—He told the devil, “It is written.”

That’s spiritual warfare.

⚖️ The Two Extremes

There are two errors when it comes to spiritual warfare:

1. Over-Spiritualizing Everything:
Every setback becomes demonic.
No personal responsibility.
No reflection.
No growth.

2. Ignoring the Battle Entirely:
Thinking everything is physical.
Not praying.
Not fasting.
Not resisting temptation.
Living carelessly, as if the enemy doesn’t exist.

Truth is: spiritual warfare is a both/and, not an either/or.

📖 What the Bible Actually Teaches

Let’s clarify a few things:

✅ Demons are real, but they’re not everywhere.
✅ Prayer is a weapon, but not a substitute for obedience.
✅ Spiritual attacks happen, but so does self-sabotage.
✅ God gives armor, but we still have to wear it.

“Put on the full armor of God…” – Ephesians 6:11
Not “Hang it in your prayer closet for decoration.”

🧠 The Mind Is the Battlefield

A lot of spiritual battles happen in your thoughts.

  • Condemnation
  • Fear
  • Lies
  • Identity crisis
  • Doubt

You don’t need a deliverance session—you need renewed thinking.

That’s why Romans 12:2 says:

“Be transformed by the renewing of your mind.”

Sometimes, deliverance is not a one-time scream—it’s a daily choice to believe God’s truth.

🙏🏾 How to Fight Right

  1. Know your enemy – It’s not your boss, your mother-in-law, or your ex.
  2. Use your weapons – Prayer, Scripture, praise, fasting, wise counsel.
  3. Stay alert – The enemy thrives on distraction and deception.
  4. Check your heart – Sometimes, the real battle is pride, unforgiveness, or fear.
  5. Walk in obedience – There’s no point fighting darkness while cuddling sin.
  6. Lean on community – You’re not meant to fight alone.
  7. Stand firm – Not everything will disappear immediately. Warfare is a process.

🧨 What We Get Wrong

  • Myth: All problems are spiritual attacks.
    Truth: Some are natural consequences or human error.
  • Myth: Spiritual warfare is loud prayers only.
    Truth: It’s a lifestyle of awareness, discipline, and faith.
  • Myth: If I pray enough, all problems disappear.
    Truth: Some prayers prepare you to endure, not escape.

💬 Final Thoughts

Spiritual warfare is real.
But so is personal growth.
So is responsibility.
So is wise decision-making.

Don’t let the devil become your default excuse.
Don’t fight wrong battles with wrong tools.

Yes, there’s a war going on.
But you don’t fight from fear—you fight from victory.

Because Christ already won.

Now walk in that truth—with eyes open, armor on, and truth in your heart.

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What We Get Wrong About Blessings

👉 Is a good life always proof of God’s favor? What if God’s biggest blessings don’t come in the form of money or miracles?

Let’s admit it:

When we say “I’m blessed” these days, what we usually mean is…

🙌 A raise at work.
🧳 Visa approval.
🏠 Finally moved to Lekki.
💍 Proposal with a drone and saxophone.
🚘 New ride with a custom plate.

No lies—those things are great.
And yes, they can be blessings.

But is that all blessings are?
And what about when life doesn’t look “blessed”—does it mean God left the chat?

Let’s dive in.

💸 The Prosperity Confusion

For many Christians today (especially in high-vibe church cultures), blessings are measured like this:

More = God is pleased with me
Less = I need to “sow seed” fast

It’s a theology built around performance and outcomes:

  • If I tithe, God must give me back 100x.
  • If I pray hard, I won’t suffer.
  • If I’m obedient, I’ll always have favor with people and profit in business.

But this logic collapses in the face of real life.
Because sometimes:

  • You do all the right things… and still lose the contract.
  • You pray and fast… but the illness gets worse.
  • You live uprightly… and still get betrayed.

So, what then? Are you “not blessed”?

📖 What Does the Bible Say About Blessings?

Let’s redefine this straight from Scripture:

“Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.” – Matthew 5:3

“Blessed are those who mourn… the meek… the persecuted…” – Matthew 5:4–10

Wait.

That doesn’t sound like:

📱 iPhone 16
🏡 Duplex
💳 Bank alert

It sounds more like people who are struggling… but still have God.

Blessing in the Bible isn’t about your circumstance.
It’s about your connection to God.

🌀 The “Invisible” Blessings We Overlook

Real talk: God’s biggest blessings are often invisible, inconvenient, and uncomfortable.

Like:

✅ Peace that makes no sense.
✅ Strength to forgive someone who hurt you deeply.
✅ Wisdom to walk away from a deal that would’ve made you rich but ruined your soul.
✅ A community that holds you up when everything is falling apart.
✅ God’s voice guiding you through a desert season.

These don’t trend on Instagram.
But in heaven’s eyes, they are priceless.

⚖️ The Danger of Equating Comfort with Favor

Let’s face it:

Sometimes the devil does bless—with distractions, temptations, and shortcuts.

Sometimes money, fame, and followers pull you further away from God.
Sometimes open doors don’t lead to destiny—they lead to destruction.

So stop asking, “Is this comfortable?”
Start asking, “Is this God?”

Because not every blessing is shiny.
Some are refining.

🌱 God’s Blessings Grow You, Not Just Your Bank Account

A blessed life isn’t necessarily a loud life.
It’s a deep one.

It’s not always riches, but it’s always rooted.

If God’s greatest blessing is Himself, then the closer you get to Him, the more blessed you really are—even if nothing in your life looks “successful.”

🔥 What We Get Wrong

  • Myth: Blessings = wealth and comfort.
    Truth: Blessings = anything that brings you closer to God and grows you in His purpose.
  • Myth: A hard life means you missed God’s favor.
    Truth: Many of God’s favorites suffered deeply—think Job, Joseph, Paul, and even Jesus.
  • Myth: You can measure blessings by social media highlight reels.
    Truth: Some of God’s best work is done in private and in pain.

💬 Final Thoughts

Being blessed doesn’t always feel like being blessed.
Sometimes, the blessing is in the breaking.
Sometimes, it’s in the delay, the detour, the “no”, or the closed door.

Don’t reduce God’s favor to material upgrades.
God’s richest blessings often come wrapped in process, not packaging.

You are blessed not because everything is working…
…but because God is working in everything.

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What We Get Wrong About Forgiveness

👉 Does forgiveness mean you have to forget? Should you keep trusting someone who repeatedly hurts you?

Forgiveness.

We preach it, post about it, wear it on t-shirts.
But when it comes to actually doing it—especially when the wound is deep—
we start asking hard questions:

Do I really have to forgive them?
Do I have to act like it never happened?
Am I supposed to trust them again?

Let’s untangle this holy mess.

🧠 Myth 1: Forgiveness Means Forgetting

You’ve probably heard the line:

“Forgive and forget.”

It sounds noble.
But honestly? It’s not biblical.

Nowhere in Scripture are you commanded to delete your memory.

God Himself forgives—and yet He doesn’t forget in the literal sense.
He chooses not to hold it against us. That’s different.

“I will remember their sins no more.” – Hebrews 8:12
(That’s not amnesia. That’s mercy.)

Forgiveness isn’t memory loss.
It’s a conscious decision not to retaliate, not to rehearse the offense, and not to reduce the person to what they did.

💥 Myth 2: Forgiveness = Reconciliation

Let’s be clear:
Forgiveness is one-sided. Reconciliation is two-sided.

You can forgive someone who’s not sorry.
But you can’t rebuild a relationship unless there’s mutual repentance and respect.

God calls us to forgive—but He also gives us wisdom.

“Be wise as serpents and harmless as doves.” – Matthew 10:16

That means:
You can forgive without giving repeat offenders VIP access to your life.

Especially when the pattern is unrepentant.
That’s not unforgiveness—it’s healthy boundaries.

🔁 Myth 3: If They Hurt You Again, You Didn’t Forgive

Nah.
Forgiveness isn’t a force field against disappointment.

You can genuinely forgive someone and still be hurt by them again—especially if they haven’t changed.
It doesn’t mean you failed at forgiveness.
It just means they haven’t changed.

Forgiveness is not naivety.
It’s strength clothed in mercy.

😭 So, What Is Forgiveness, Then?

Let’s simplify it:

  • Forgiveness is releasing the right to revenge.
    You’re saying, “I won’t make you pay. I’ll leave it in God’s hands.”
  • It’s choosing freedom for yourself.
    Unforgiveness keeps you in prison—while the offender lives rent-free in your head.
  • It’s a heart posture, not a feeling.
    You may not feel like forgiving, but forgiveness is an act of obedience.

🔧 But What If They Keep Hurting Me?

Jesus said forgive “seventy times seven.”
But He didn’t say “stay and be abused.”

Forgiveness doesn’t mean ignoring patterns of harm.
It means you don’t seek vengeance while you take the necessary steps to protect your peace.

Forgive them.
Release them.
But wisdom might still say: “I love you—from a distance.”

🧭 What We Get Wrong

  • Myth: Forgiveness means forgetting.
    Truth: It means choosing not to keep score.
  • Myth: Forgiveness requires full trust again.
    Truth: Forgiveness is given. Trust is earned.
  • Myth: Forgiveness always leads to reconciliation.
    Truth: Not always. Some people are better loved with boundaries.

💬 Final Thoughts

Forgiveness isn’t weakness.
It’s the strength to absorb pain without passing it on.
It’s not saying “What you did was okay.”
It’s saying, “I won’t let what you did control me anymore.”

Because forgiveness may not change the person.
But it will definitely change you.

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What We Get Wrong About Prayer

👉 Is prayer a formula? Do longer prayers mean more power? And what about unanswered prayers—does it mean God isn’t listening?

Let’s be honest.
Prayer has become a bit… confusing.

You hear some folks shouting with fire and thunder—like God is deaf.
Others are whispering solemn words with practiced poise—like they’re writing a King James sonnet.
Some talk like they’re giving God orders.
Others talk like He’s not even listening.

No wonder so many Christians are frustrated, disillusioned, and—let’s admit it—bored with prayer.

But here’s the question:
What did we get wrong?

🧪 Prayer Isn’t a Formula

You’ve heard it before:
“ACTS—Adoration, Confession, Thanksgiving, Supplication.”
It’s helpful, sure.
But God isn’t a vending machine you plug steps into and expect a soda can of blessings to drop out.

Jesus didn’t give His disciples a formula.
He gave them a framework.

“Our Father, who art in Heaven…”

He reminded them prayer was about relationship—not technique.

⏱️ Longer ≠ Louder

Some people think, “If I just pray longer, maybe God will hear me.”
So they go on and on, repeating words, thinking quantity = power.

But Jesus said the opposite:

“When you pray, do not keep on babbling like pagans, for they think they will be heard because of their many words.” – Matthew 6:7

God is not impressed by length.
He’s moved by faith.

It’s not about the length of your prayer—
It’s about the depth of your heart.

🙉 What About Unanswered Prayers?

Let’s be real.
This is where most people struggle.

You prayed with tears.
You fasted.
You believed.

And… nothing.

Did God not hear?
Did you not pray “well” enough?
Did you miss the right words?

Here’s truth:
Unanswered ≠ Unheard

“The Lord hears His people when they call to Him.” – Psalm 34:17

God isn’t a genie.
He’s a Father.

And sometimes, the best gift a father gives…
is the “No” or the “Not yet.”

Because while you see now,
God sees forever.

🧠 What We Get Wrong

Let’s call out the myths:

  • Myth: Powerful prayer must be loud or long.
    Truth: The most powerful prayer can be a whisper of surrender.
  • Myth: If God doesn’t answer, you’re doing something wrong.
    Truth: God’s silence is not always rejection. It could be redirection—or protection.
  • Myth: Prayer is about getting what you want.
    Truth: Prayer is about becoming who God wants.

💡 So, How Should We Really Pray?

  1. Pray like a child, not an employee.
    Don’t clock in with formality—just be honest.
    “Abba Father” means Daddy. Come as you are.
  2. Speak, then listen.
    Prayer is conversation, not monologue. Wait. Pause. Listen.
  3. Use Scripture.
    Pray God’s promises back to Him. Align your words with His will.
  4. Be persistent, but not manipulative.
    Jesus taught persistence (Luke 18), not pestering. Trust, don’t twist.
  5. Don’t fake it.
    God prefers a raw “God, I don’t know what to say…”
    over a polished “Thou art holy, and I beseech Thee…”

🙏🏽 Final Thoughts

Prayer isn’t about performance.
It’s about presence.
It’s not an emergency line for only bad days—
It’s an open door to your Father, every day.

And no, you don’t have to impress Him.
You just have to come.

Because prayer doesn’t always change your situation.
But it always changes you.