Category: “Unspoken Struggles’ series

Posted on

SPIRITUAL BULLIES: WHEN HOLINESS BECOMES A WEAPON

Let’s be real—some Christians can be bullies. 😳 Yeah, I said it. Not the type that steals your lunch money, but the kind that makes you feel like a spiritual cockroach before God. They swing their Bibles like battle axes, quoting verses faster than a WhatsApp forward, and before you know it—you’re questioning if you’re even saved.

But wait—how do we address this without falling into extremes? We can’t just dismiss correction (because real accountability is biblical), but we also can’t allow a culture where people are spiritually manipulated, guilt-tripped, and shamed into submission. So, let’s break it down:

1. WHO ARE SPIRITUAL BULLIES?

You know them. They could be the overly zealous church member who polices everyone’s behavior. The preacher who shouts, “You’re going to hell!” more than “God loves you.” Or the person who makes their personal convictions law for everyone else.

They operate in different forms:

🔹 The Legalist: “If you don’t wear a suit to church, you’re dishonoring God.”
🔹 The Guilt-Tripper: “So you’re telling me you didn’t fast for 40 days? Wow. Just wow.”
🔹 The Super-Spiritualist: “I had a dream that you need to sow a seed or your destiny is in danger.”
🔹 The Scripture Sniper: Always quoting verses out of context to attack, not to edify.

2. BIBLICAL EXAMPLES OF SPIRITUAL BULLYING

This isn’t a modern-day problem. Even Jesus had to deal with spiritual bullies—THE PHARISEES. These guys were the original religious gangsters. They made following God look like an extreme sport.

“They tie up heavy, burdensome loads and lay them on people’s shoulders, but they themselves are not willing to lift a finger to move them.”

📖 Matthew 23:4

Jesus wasn’t impressed. He called them hypocrites, blind guides, and whitewashed tombs (ouch!). Why? Because they made religion about performance, not relationship.

Another example? Job’s friends. Instead of comforting him, they took turns telling him why he must have sinned. Classic spiritual bullying—making assumptions about someone’s struggles and pushing the blame on them.

3. WHY DO PEOPLE BECOME SPIRITUAL BULLIES?

Nobody wakes up and says, “I want to be a religious tyrant today.” But here’s why it happens:

🔹 Insecurity: Some people use spirituality as a mask to cover their own struggles. If they can make you feel less holy, they feel more holy.
🔹 Control: Others love power. If they can make you dependent on them for “divine direction,” they get to play god in your life.
🔹 Miseducation: Some genuinely think they’re doing God’s work by being harsh. They confuse boldness with being rude.
🔹 Pride: “I have reached a level in Christ you will never understand.” Some people equate knowledge with superiority.

4. WHEN CORRECTION BECOMES MANIPULATION

Here’s the tricky part—Christians ARE called to correct each other (Galatians 6:1). But there’s a difference between correction and condemnation.

🔹 Correction says, 

“Hey, I noticed something off. Let’s talk about it and grow.”

🔹 Condemnation says, 

“You’re a disappointment to God. I don’t even know if you’re saved.”

One is love; the other is control.

5. ARE YOU BEING SPIRITUALLY BULLIED?

Ask yourself:

✅ Do they make you feel like your relationship with God isn’t good enough?
✅ Are they always focusing on your failures but never your growth?
✅ Do they use fear to keep you in check?
✅ Do they expect unquestioning obedience to their authority?
✅ Do they act like they have “exclusive” revelations you can’t get on your own?

If so, you might be dealing with a spiritual bully.

6. HOW TO DEAL WITH SPIRITUAL BULLIES (WITHOUT BECOMING ONE YOURSELF)

So what do you do? Because let’s be honest, our flesh wants to clap back. But God’s way is different.

✅ Stand Firm in Your Identity – Your relationship with God isn’t based on someone else’s approval. If they say, “You’re not spiritual enough,” remember: God calls you His child, and that’s enough (John 1:12).
✅ Know the Word for Yourself – So no one can use it against you. Jesus countered the devil’s misinterpretations with the right context (Matthew 4:1-11).
✅ Set Boundaries – It’s okay to say, “I appreciate your concern, but I’ll take this to God myself.”
✅ Correct in Love, Not Pride – If you see someone else being spiritually bullied, don’t fight pride with pride. Help them without becoming the same thing you’re against.

7. FINAL THOUGHTS: HOW TO SPOT A TRUE SPIRITUAL LEADER

Not everyone who corrects you is a spiritual bully. Some people truly want to help you grow. So how do you tell the difference?

A true spiritual leader:
✅ Leads with humility, not arrogance (Philippians 2:3-4).
✅ Encourages growth, not guilt (2 Corinthians 7:10).
✅ Points to Jesus, not themselves (John 3:30).
✅ Gives room for grace, not just rules (Romans 6:14).

Spiritual bullies push you down. True shepherds lift you up.

🚀 CLOSING THOUGHT:

Christianity is not about oppression; it’s about transformation. God didn’t save us so we could live in fear of “not measuring up.” He saved us so we could grow in Him—not under the weight of religious pressure, but in the freedom of His love.

So if you’ve been bullied by “super-spiritual” people, let this be your reminder: Jesus didn’t come to start a club for the perfect. He came for the broken, the weak, the outcast—and He calls them His own. 💙🔥

What do you think? Have you ever dealt with spiritual bullies? How did you handle it? Let’s talk! 👇💬

Posted on

Is There Gain in Suffering?

💔 Abi this suffering sef, e get benefit?

If you grew up in Nigeria, you’ve probably heard this before:

“My brother, this life na suffer-head. Just manage am like that.”

Or the classic:

“God is using this suffering to teach you something.”

And of course, every Nigerian’s favorite:

“Las las, we go dey alright.”

But if we’re being honest—does suffering really have any gain? Because let’s face it, suffering no be beans. Whether it’s financial struggles, heartbreak, betrayal, health challenges, or the constant Nigerian battle with NEPA wahala, fuel scarcity, and expensive foodstuffs—pain is real.

But the deeper question is: Does suffering actually do anything good for us? Or is it just something we have to endure while waiting for heaven?

Is Suffering a Curse or a Classroom?

Nigerians generally have two views about suffering:

1️⃣ Some people see suffering as a curse—If things are hard, they assume, “Ah! Village people don enter my matter!” 😭

2️⃣ Some see suffering as a divine classroom—“God is working on you through this.”

Both of these perspectives have some truth, but neither tells the whole story.

Yes, suffering can be caused by sin, bad decisions, or even spiritual attacks (remember Job?). But not all suffering is a curse. Sometimes, God allows it to refine us, to shape our character, and to prepare us for something greater.

📖 Romans 5:3-4 says:
“We rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope.”

Story Time: Nigerian Hustle & Suffering That Pays Off

Let’s talk about suffering that actually yields results.

Ever heard of someone who suffered through school with little or no money, trekking long distances because they couldn’t afford transport? The kind of suffering that makes you eat garri without sugar and beg your roommate for just one spoon of rice? 😭

But guess what? That same person graduates, gets a good job, and suddenly the story changes. Now they have a testimony of “I suffered, but it paid off.”

💡 That’s the kind of suffering that leads to growth.

✅ The struggle built endurance.
✅ The hunger built discipline.
✅ The pain built wisdom.

And God does the same thing spiritually.

Biblical Suffering: When God’s Process Looks Like Punishment

Look at some Bible characters who suffered before they saw gain:

  • Joseph – Sold into slavery, betrayed, thrown into prison. But that suffering prepared him for leadership. (Genesis 37-41)
  • David – Anointed as king, yet spent years running for his life. But in the wilderness, God was shaping him into a man after His own heart. (1 Samuel 16-31)
  • Paul – Beaten, imprisoned, shipwrecked. But his suffering produced letters that still transform lives today. (2 Corinthians 11:23-27)
  • Jesus – The ultimate suffering. He endured the cross for the joy set before Him. (Hebrews 12:2)

So, How Can Suffering Be a Blessing?

🔥 1. Suffering reveals who you truly are.
Like fire refines gold, suffering exposes our character. Are we patient? Are we humble? Do we really trust God, or do we only serve Him when things are good?

🔥 2. Suffering forces us to depend on God.
It’s easy to say “God is my provider,” but suffering forces you to actually trust Him when your bank account is crying.

🔥 3. Suffering can position you for greater things.
Joseph’s suffering positioned him for the palace. David’s suffering prepared him for the throne. Your suffering might be preparing you for something bigger.

🔥 4. Suffering makes us more compassionate.
If you’ve suffered, you can help others who are going through the same thing. You understand their pain.

But Wait, Does This Mean We Should Love Suffering?

😂😂 My brother, my sister, nobody dey love suffering o!

Even Jesus Himself, before going to the cross, said: “Father, if it is possible, take this cup away from me. But not my will, but Yours be done.” (Matthew 26:39).

It’s okay to pray for relief. It’s okay to want things to get better. But in the meantime, don’t waste your suffering—ask God what He wants to do through it.

Final Thoughts: Suffering Without Gain is Wasted Pain

If you’re going through something right now, don’t just endure it—learn from it. Grow from it. Let God shape you through it.

Yes, suffering is painful. But if we submit to God’s process, the pain won’t be wasted. Because God never wastes pain.

So, is there gain in suffering? Yes. But only if we let God use it for His glory.

💭 What do you think? Have you ever gone through suffering that later turned out to be a blessing? Drop your thoughts! 👇🏾🔥

Posted on

Speaking Up Without Losing Your Faith: When to Talk, When to Stay Silent, and How to Say No with Grace

Some people think being a Christian means being a doormat. That we must swallow insults, tolerate nonsense, and say yes to anything—just to “keep the peace.”

But let’s be real. Jesus was not a people-pleaser. He was kind, but He wasn’t “nice” in the worldly sense. He corrected. He rebuked. He set boundaries. And He still managed to walk in love.

So, what do you do when:

  • Someone speaks to you anyhow?
  • People take you for granted?
  • A leader asks you to do something that’s against your values?

Do you just smile and endure? Or do you speak up?

Let’s talk.

1. When People Disrespect You: To Clap Back or Not?

We all have that one person who loves to test our patience. Maybe it’s that colleague who talks down on you, the relative who always has something rude to say, or the friend who constantly takes you for granted.

Now, let’s be clear: Swallowing disrespect is not the same as humility.

Jesus was humble, but He was not a pushover. He didn’t just let people talk to Him anyhow. When the Pharisees tried to trap Him, He shut them down with wisdom (Luke 20:20-26). When Peter tried to rebuke Him, Jesus corrected him sharply (Mark 8:33).

So, yes—you can and should speak up. But how?

Instead of insulting back, try this: 

“I’d appreciate it if you spoke to me with respect, just as I do to you.”

Instead of keeping quiet and feeling bitter, try this:

 “I don’t like how that sounded. Can we try again?”

It’s not about pride. It’s about boundaries. You can be firm without being rude.

2. When Leaders Ask You to Do What’s Wrong

This one is trickier. What if it’s your pastor, boss, or mentor asking you to do something that goes against God’s will?

You don’t want to be disrespectful, but you also don’t want to disobey God.

Look at David. Saul was his king, but when Saul started acting crazy, David refused to dishonor him—but he also refused to obey his madness (1 Samuel 24:6).

So, what’s the balance?

✔ Respect their position, but obey God first. If what they’re asking you to do is wrong, say no—but say it with humility.
✔ Honor does not mean silence. If you disagree, voice your concerns respectfully. You don’t have to embarrass them.

Try this:

“Sir/Ma, I deeply respect you, but I can’t do this because it goes against my beliefs.”
“I appreciate all you’ve done for me, but my conscience won’t allow me to take this step.”

Simple. Clear. Respectful. But firm.

3. Saying No Without Feeling Guilty

Ever felt bad for saying no? Like, “Maybe I should have just obeyed, so they don’t feel bad”?

That’s manipulation talking.

The Bible says we should “speak the truth in love” (Ephesians 4:15). That means:
✔ Be clear (no need to dance around the issue).
✔ Be gentle (no need for insults).
✔ Be firm (no need to apologize for doing the right thing).

If someone is taking you for granted, using you, or leading you away from God’s path, speak up. But do it in a way that reflects Christ—strong, but full of grace.

Final Thoughts

Being a Christian doesn’t mean letting people walk over you. It means walking in wisdom. Knowing when to speak, when to stay silent, and when to say no with grace.

So, have you ever had to say no to a leader? How did you handle it? Or have you ever spoken up against disrespect without losing your peace?

Let’s talk in the comments!

Posted on

“What If I Can’t Forgive?” – Wrestling with Unforgiveness Despite Biblical Commands

🔥 “Just forgive and move on.”

Ever had someone say that to you, and you just wanted to… lay hands (not the prayerful kind) on them? 😤

Yeah, me too.

Forgiveness sounds easy until you’re the one who’s been betrayed, backstabbed, abandoned, or broken beyond words.

We know what Jesus said:

  • 📖 “Forgive seventy times seven.” (Matthew 18:22)
  • 📖 “If you do not forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins.” (Matthew 6:15)

But what if… I just can’t?

What if the pain still burns?
What if the wound is still fresh?
What if they never apologized?

What if I don’t even want to forgive? 😤

1. But They Don’t Deserve It! (Spoiler: Neither Do We 🤦🏽‍♂️)

Let’s be honest—some offenses feel unforgivable.

🚪 A trusted friend betrays you.
💔 A parent wounds you deeply.
⚖️ A person ruins your reputation.

And yet, here comes Jesus, asking us to forgive.

Not because they deserve it,
But because we didn’t deserve God’s forgiveness either.

📖 “While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”

(Romans 5:8)
Forgiveness isn’t excusing their sin—it’s releasing them from being the lord over your heart.

It’s trusting God to handle justice instead of letting bitterness consume you.

Because, let’s be real—bitterness feels powerful, but it only poisons the one holding it.

2. “But I Still Feel Angry!” (Good. That Means You’re Human.)

Forgiveness isn’t pretending like nothing happened.

David didn’t fake-smile at Saul while dodging spears. 🏹
Jesus didn’t laugh off Judas’ betrayal. 💔
Even God expresses righteous anger. 🔥

Forgiveness isn’t a one-time event—it’s a process.

It’s choosing, every time the anger flares up, to say:


“Lord, I release them into Your hands.”

And some days, you’ll need to say that 147 times before breakfast. 😩

3. What If I Don’t Feel Forgiving? (You Don’t Have To—Yet.)

Ever notice how Jesus never said,
“Feel forgiveness in your heart, and then act on it.”

Nope. Instead, He commands us to do it.

Because forgiveness isn’t an emotion.
It’s an act of obedience.

When you start praying for the person who hurt you—
Not “Lord, break their legs” but “Lord, heal them”—
Your heart slowly starts to change.

It might take time.
It might take prayer.
It might take tears.

But you’ll wake up one day and realize…
The bitterness has loosened its grip.

And in its place? Freedom.

4. But What If They Hurt Me Again? (Set Boundaries, Not Barriers.)

Forgiveness doesn’t mean handing them a free pass to hurt you again.

It doesn’t mean ignoring wisdom or setting yourself up for more damage.

🔒 Forgiveness is releasing the offense.
🚪 Boundaries are protecting your heart.

Jesus forgave freely, but He didn’t entrust Himself to everyone. (John 2:24-25)

You can love someone from a distance.
You can pray for someone and not let them back into your inner circle.
You can forgive and still be wise.

Because grace isn’t naïve. It’s just freeing.

Final Thought: “But What If I’m Not Ready?”

Then be honest with God.

“Lord, I want to obey You, but I’m struggling.”
“Help me forgive, because I can’t do it on my own.”

Because at the end of the day, forgiveness isn’t natural.

It’s supernatural.

And the One who forgave you first…
Will give you the grace to do the same.

What Do You Think?

  • Have you ever struggled to forgive?
  • What helped you let go?
  • Do you think forgiveness always means reconciliation?

Drop a comment—let’s wrestle through this together. ⬇️🔥

https://forms.gle/yWZv9ksqzS4pcvRq8

Posted on

Does God Have Favees? Or Are Some People Just… Special? 😏

Let’s be real. Sometimes, it feels like God has His guys.

You pray, fast, and even sow seed, but somehow, Sister Chinyere testifies again that she got a miracle alert—without praying! 😳

You hustle, stay faithful, and trust God, but Brother Samuel (who just repented last week) lands a dream job effortlessly.

Meanwhile, you’re like: “God, shey You dey whine me ni?” 😭

So… does God play favorites?

God’s VIP List?

If we’re being honest, some Bible verses seem to suggest that God does, in fact, have special people:

📖 “Jacob I loved, but Esau I hated.” – Romans 9:13
📖 “David is a man after My own heart.” – Acts 13:22
📖 “The disciple whom Jesus loved…” – John 13:23 (John was clearly feeling himself 😂)

So, is God partial? Does He pick and choose His favorites while the rest of us just manage?

Favoritism vs. Favor

First, let’s clear something up—God doesn’t have favorites the way humans do. But He does give favor.

And favor isn’t random; it’s a response to alignment, purpose, and relationship.

Think about it:

  • Abraham left everything to follow God—so God made him a father of nations.
  • David spent years seeking God in the wilderness—so God anointed him as king.
  • Mary was highly favored, not because she was lucky, but because she was chosen for a divine assignment.

Favor isn’t about God picking names out of a hat; it’s about walking in step with Him.

But Why Do Some People Seem to Get More? 🤔

Some reasons include:

1️⃣ Assignment-Specific Favor: God gives more to those carrying bigger responsibilities. Think of Joseph—he suffered for years because his favor was tied to a nation-saving destiny.

2️⃣ Closeness Brings More: James 4:8 says, “Draw near to God, and He will draw near to you.” If you sit at the front row of grace, you’ll hear more and receive more.

3️⃣ Kingdom Economy: Some people understand and apply spiritual principles better—like generosity, obedience, and faith—so they reap the rewards.

So, What About Me?

Here’s the good news: God isn’t hoarding blessings for a select few. His table is big enough for everyone.

You don’t have to be the next David or Esther to be loved by God. In fact, you already are:

📖 “For God so loved THE WORLD…”

(John 3:16)

No VIP section, no exclusives. Just open invitation.

The real question is—are you sitting at the table or just staring from afar?

Your Turn!

Have you ever felt like God was favoring others over you? What’s your experience with divine favor? Drop your thoughts in the comments! 🚀🔥