Category: “What We Get Wrong” series

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Weaponizing Your Wounds: When Pain Turns into Power… or Poison

Introduction: When Pain Becomes a Weapon

We all have wounds—emotional, psychological, or even spiritual. Life has bruised us, betrayed us, abandoned us, or even humiliated us. Some have lost parents young, some have suffered abuse, some have been cheated, insulted, or cast aside.

And yet, those wounds can go two ways:

  • They can become weapons for transformation—used to help others, birth wisdom, and inspire change.
  • Or they can turn into poison—breeding bitterness, vengeance, and cycles of oppression.

But let’s be honest. Many Nigerians (especially on social media) have turned their wounds into AK-47s—shooting down anyone who reminds them of their past pain. “Dem do me, so I must do others.”

Now, let’s talk about how this plays out in different parts of life.

1. “I Suffered, So You Must Suffer” – The Cycle of Hardship

Nigerians love suffering—not because they enjoy it, but because they believe it’s the only way to prove strength. So, when people finally break free, instead of making life easier for others, they weaponize their past suffering.

Real-Life Scenarios:

  • A Nigerian parent says, “I walked 10km to school every day, so my children must suffer too. They should trek to school like I did.” Instead of using their success to help their kids, they repeat the cycle.
  • Senior students in Nigerian universities justify hazing and brutal bullying by saying, “We suffered as freshers, so you too must suffer.”
  • In workplaces, a boss who was overworked as a junior staff says, “I had no work-life balance, so you must work weekends too.”
  • In Nigerian churches, leaders refuse to mentor younger ones freely because “I struggled to get here. You too must suffer and find your way.”

➡️ Question: If pain taught you the value of ease, why are you making others suffer the same way?

2. “Nobody Helped Me, So I Won’t Help You” – The Scarcity Mindset

Nigeria has a serious problem with gatekeeping. People who struggle feel entitled to make others struggle too.

Real-Life Scenarios:

  • A successful entrepreneur says, “I built my business from scratch without anyone’s help, so why should I give you free mentorship?”
  • A government official who struggled to rise to power refuses to create policies that help young professionals. Instead, he makes sure the entry barriers are even harder.
  • A pastor who grew up in poverty preaches hardcore prosperity gospel, telling people that if they’re still poor, they’re not ‘sowing’ enough.
  • A rich relative ignores his struggling cousin, thinking, “Nobody helped me, so why should I help you?”

➡️ Question: Why do we hoard help instead of using our struggles to uplift others?

3. “Since I Was Oppressed, I Must Oppress Too” – The Abuse of Power

One of the biggest effects of weaponized wounds is when victims become oppressors.

Real-Life Scenarios:

  • A church worker who was once humiliated now abuses power, controlling younger members the same way they were controlled.
  • A firstborn child, who was treated harshly, starts bullying younger siblings because “I suffered as the eldest, so you too must learn.”
  • A lecturer, who was once a struggling student, now demands bribes, blocking others from progressing just because he suffered too.
  • A young woman, once body-shamed, now makes fun of others because “They did it to me too.”

➡️ Question: Should pain turn us into abusers? Or should it make us more compassionate?

4. “Men Are Scum, Women Are Gold Diggers” – The Relationship Wound Game

Social media is full of people bleeding on innocent bystanders.

Real-Life Scenarios:

  • A man who was heartbroken by one woman now preaches “Women are wicked. Use them before they use you.”
  • A woman who was cheated on once now tells young girls “Don’t love a man—just collect his money.”
  • A husband, who grew up with an abusive father, now sees his wife as a punching bag because “My mother endured, so you must too.”

➡️ Question: Should one bad experience define how you treat others?

5. “God Disappointed Me, So I Won’t Believe in Him” – Spiritual Trauma

Pain even affects faith.

Real-Life Scenarios:

  • A former choir leader, humiliated by church politics, now tells people “Church people are fake. Forget religion.”
  • A young man, who prayed for healing but lost his mother, now says “God doesn’t answer prayers.”
  • Someone who suffered under a harsh spiritual leader now rejects all forms of church authority.

➡️ Question: Is God to blame for the wickedness of men?

The Jesus Model: Turning Wounds into Healing, Not Weapons

Pain is real. Betrayal is real. But how we respond to it matters.

Let’s talk about Jesus:

  • He was betrayed but still forgave.
  • He was abandoned but still loved.
  • He was crucified but still saved.

➡️ If Jesus had weaponized His wounds, we’d all be doomed.

Instead of using His pain for revenge, He used it to save the world.

So, What Do We Do With Our Pain?

✅ Heal before you lead – Don’t pass on your trauma.
✅ Break cycles, don’t continue them – If you suffered, use that pain to help, not harm.
✅ Mentor, don’t hoard knowledge – Your struggle should make it easier for others, not harder.
✅ Forgive, but set boundaries – Don’t let pain turn you into what hurt you.
✅ Let pain make you better, not bitter.

Conclusion: Wounds Can Be Weapons or Tools—You Choose

Pain is like fire. It can burn and destroy or refine and strengthen. How we use it determines whether we heal or wound others.

So, ask yourself today:

🔥 Am I healing or hurting?
🔥 Am I breaking cycles or continuing them?
🔥 Am I using my wounds to bring change—or to cause more pain?

Because at the end of the day, our wounds will speak—whether in love or in vengeance.

Prayer Section & Scriptural Reflections

Prayer for Healing from Weaponized Wounds

“Father, I bring my wounds before You. The pain, the betrayals, the struggles—I lay them at Your feet. Heal my heart so I don’t pass on bitterness. Help me to use my experiences to uplift, not to destroy. Give me the wisdom to break negative cycles and lead with love. Teach me to forgive, to mentor, to give, and to help others rise. Let my wounds be tools for healing, not weapons for destruction. In Jesus’ name, Amen.”

Biblical Reflections on Healing from Pain

✅ Joseph’s Story (Genesis 50:20) – “You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.”
Joseph was betrayed by his brothers, sold into slavery, and imprisoned unfairly. Yet, he didn’t let pain turn into revenge—he used his suffering to save lives.

✅ Jesus’ Response to Betrayal (Luke 23:34) – “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.”
Even on the cross, Jesus forgave. His greatest wound became the world’s greatest healing.

✅ Paul’s Advice on Bitterness (Ephesians 4:31-32) – “Get rid of all bitterness, rage, and anger… Be kind and compassionate, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”
Pain does not justify cruelty.

Interactive Reflection Questions

  1. Have I unknowingly passed on my pain to others?
  2. What negative cycles from my past am I continuing today?
  3. How can I turn my painful experiences into a force for good?

🔥 Drop a comment below—let’s talk about this. How have you seen people weaponize their wounds? Have you ever struggled with this yourself?

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“Can I Be a Christian and Still Have Mental Health Struggles?”

Breaking the Stigma, Finding Biblical Encouragement, and Practical Steps Forward

“You Just Need More Faith…” 🤦🏽‍♂️

Ever heard this before? Someone opens up about their anxiety, depression, or burnout, and instead of getting real support, they’re met with:

  • “Just pray more.”
  • “Read your Bible, and you’ll feel better.”
  • “Maybe you need to fast and cast out that spirit.”

While prayer and Scripture are powerful (and essential!), they’re not magic pills that erase mental health struggles overnight. But in many Christian communities, the stigma around mental health is so strong that struggling believers feel ashamed, weak, or even unspiritual for battling issues like anxiety, depression, or PTSD.

So let’s talk about it. Can you love Jesus and still struggle mentally? Let’s unpack this with truth, grace, and practical wisdom.

1. Breaking the Stigma: Why Do Christians Struggle to Accept Mental Health Issues?

Many Christians believe that being saved means living in total peace, joy, and victory. So when someone struggles emotionally or mentally, the assumption is often:

✅ “They don’t trust God enough.”
✅ “They must have unconfessed sin.”
✅ “This is a spiritual attack.”

While spiritual factors can play a role, mental health is not just a spiritual issue—it’s a whole-person issue. Just like Christians can get physically sick, they can also experience emotional and psychological struggles.

Why Do We Struggle to Accept This?

  1. Misinterpretation of Scripture 📖
    • Verses like “Do not be anxious about anything…” (Philippians 4:6) are often taken to mean that all anxiety is sinful, rather than recognizing that Paul was encouraging people to bring their struggles to God in trust.
  2. Fear of Weakness 😔
    • Many believe that admitting mental health struggles makes them appear spiritually weak. But Paul himself said, “When I am weak, then I am strong” (2 Corinthians 12:10).
  3. Over-Spiritualization of Everything 🙏🏽
    • While spiritual warfare is real, not every mental health struggle is a demon that needs to be cast out. Sometimes, it’s trauma. Sometimes, it’s brain chemistry. Sometimes, it’s just being human in a broken world.

2. Biblical Encouragement: Does the Bible Acknowledge Mental Struggles?

Absolutely! The Bible is full of godly people who battled deep emotional pain:

  • Elijah – This mighty prophet literally asked God to take his life (1 Kings 19:4).
  • David – Read the Psalms, and you’ll see a man who wrestled with deep sorrow (Psalm 42:11, Psalm 88:3-4).
  • Job – After losing everything, Job wished he had never been born (Job 3:11).
  • Paul – He described being “utterly burdened beyond strength” to the point of despair (2 Corinthians 1:8).
  • Jesus – In the Garden of Gethsemane, He said “My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death” (Matthew 26:38).

If even Jesus experienced deep emotional distress, how can we say that mental struggles mean someone lacks faith?

3. Practical Steps: How Faith and Mental Health Can Coexist

Since mental health struggles are real, how do we walk through them as believers?

A. Acknowledge and Accept Reality

✅ It’s okay to admit that you’re struggling.
✅ It doesn’t make you less of a Christian.
✅ It doesn’t mean you’re failing spiritually.

Denying reality only deepens the struggle. Instead, bring it into the light.

B. Seek Wise Counsel

  • God can work through pastors, therapists, and counselors.
  • Therapy isn’t a lack of faith; it’s wisdom. Even Solomon said, “In the multitude of counselors there is safety” (Proverbs 11:14).
  • If you broke your leg, would you refuse a doctor and just “pray it away”? No! The same goes for mental health.

C. Stay in Community

  • Isolation makes struggles worse. Stay connected to people who will remind you of truth, encourage you, and walk with you.
  • Find safe Christians who won’t judge but will support.

D. Take Care of Your Body and Mind

  • Sleep well, eat well, exercise, and take breaks.
  • Even Elijah needed food and rest before he could hear God clearly again (1 Kings 19:5-7).

E. Keep Seeking God

  • Sometimes, in deep struggles, prayer feels impossible. But even in the silence, God is near (Psalm 34:18).
  • Be honest with God. Cry out to Him, like David did in the Psalms.

Final Thoughts: You Are Not Alone

Being a Christian doesn’t mean living a problem-free life. It means having Christ with you through every struggle.

So, if you’re battling anxiety, depression, or any other mental health struggle, know this:

  • You are not alone.
  • You are not a failure.
  • God is not disappointed in you.

Jesus isn’t standing at a distance, shaking His head at you. He’s with you, walking beside you, holding you up, and leading you through.

So let’s break the stigma. Let’s be a Church where people can be honest about their struggles without fear. Because mental health struggles don’t mean you lack faith—they just mean you’re human, and God loves you in every season.

Now, Let’s Talk…

What has your experience been like in Christian circles regarding mental health? Have you felt supported, or have you faced judgment? Let’s break the silence—drop your thoughts in the comments! 💬👇🏽

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Is It Ever Okay to Lie? 🤔

Somebody walks up to you and asks, “Hey, did you eat the last piece of chicken?” and you, with oil still shining on your lips, respond, “Which chicken?”

Is that lying? Of course.

But what about when the stakes are much, much higher?

What if telling the truth puts someone in danger?
What if honesty could break a family apart?
What if a simple, well-placed diplomatic response could keep the peace?

Does God expect absolute truthfulness at all times, or is there room for wisdom in how we respond? Let’s unpack this with real-life illustrations, biblical insights, and some necessary heart checks.

1. The Clear Biblical Command: No Lying. Period.

The Bible is very clear about lying:

“Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices.”

(Colossians 3:9)

“The Lord detests lying lips, but He delights in people who are trustworthy.”

(Proverbs 12:22)

“You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor.”

(Exodus 20:16 – One of the Ten Commandments)

So, at face value, the answer seems simple: Lying is never okay.

But then we read certain biblical stories that make us stop and think.

2. When Lying (or “Strategic Words”) Seemed to Work in the Bible

A few biblical characters seemed to get away with “not telling the whole truth.” Does that mean lying is sometimes justified?

A. The Hebrew Midwives – Exodus 1

Pharaoh commanded the Hebrew midwives to kill all Israelite baby boys. But they didn’t. When Pharaoh asked why, they said:

“The Hebrew women are not like the Egyptian women; they are vigorous and give birth before the midwives arrive!”

(Exodus 1:19)

Essentially, they lied to save lives. And guess what? God blessed them for it. 🤯

B. Rahab and the Spies – Joshua 2

When Israelite spies hid in Rahab’s house, soldiers came looking for them. Rahab told the soldiers, “They already left,” while she was actually hiding them on her roof.

Did God strike her down for lying? No. In fact, Rahab is honored in the Bible for helping God’s people.

C. Jesus and the “Withholding” Approach

Now, Jesus never lied (obviously!), but He often responded to tricky questions with wisdom rather than blunt answers.

Example: When the Pharisees tried to trap Him by asking, “Should we pay taxes to Caesar?” (Matthew 22:17), He didn’t give a simple yes or no. Instead, He responded in a way that made them think:

"Give to Caesar what is Caesar’s, and to God what is God’s."

He answered without falling into their trap. Was it deception? No. Was it wisdom? Absolutely.

3. When Does Truth Require Tact? (And When Does It Become a Lie?)

Now, let’s get real.

Imagine these scenarios:

A. Protecting Someone’s Life

You’re in Nazi Germany hiding Jews in your house.

Soldiers bang on your door: “Are you hiding anyone?”

What do you say?

Telling the absolute truth might lead to their death. Would God be more honored by telling the truth or protecting innocent lives?

B. Keeping Peace in a Sensitive Situation

Your friend just finished singing a very off-key solo at church.

They ask, “Did I sound okay?”

If you say, “Honestly, it was terrible,” they might never sing again.

If you say, 

"Your passion was amazing!"

without mentioning the off-key part, are you being deceitful or just gracious?

C. Navigating Work and Leadership

Your boss asks, “Do you think my idea is the best one?” (but it’s actually terrible).

If you say, 

"I think there’s a lot of potential here, and maybe we can refine it,"

you avoid dishonesty while gently steering things in a better direction.

4. The Difference Between Wisdom and Deception

Lying is clearly wrong when it:
❌ Protects our selfish interests.
❌ Manipulates others for personal gain.
❌ Breaks trust and integrity.

But wisdom is different.

✅ Being diplomatic isn’t the same as lying. It means speaking with grace and discernment.
✅ Being strategic in communication (like Jesus) doesn’t mean deception—it means avoiding unnecessary conflict.
✅ Using tact when responding to difficult questions doesn’t mean compromising truth—it means presenting it in a way that builds up rather than tears down.

5. So, Is It Ever Okay to Lie?

The best answer is: It’s complicated.

The Bible commands us to be truthful. But how we tell the truth requires wisdom. There are situations where brutal honesty can do more harm than good. However, we should never use this as an excuse to be deceitful for personal gain.

Instead of lying, consider these alternatives:

✔ Silence: Sometimes, the best answer is to say nothing.
✔ Redirecting: Like Jesus did—answer wisely rather than bluntly.
✔ Speaking with Grace: You can be honest without being harsh.

At the end of the day, our words should reflect both truth and love. Because truth without love is harsh, and love without truth is deception.

Final Thoughts: When Truth Meets Love

Every situation is different, but the goal remains the same: Honor God with your words.

  • Speak truth, but with wisdom.
  • Be honest, but also gracious.
  • Avoid deception, but also avoid unnecessary harm.

And if you’re ever in a situation where telling the truth seems impossible without causing harm—pray for wisdom. Because the God of truth is also the God of wisdom.

What Do You Think?

Have you ever been in a situation where telling the truth felt complicated? How did you handle it? Let’s talk in the comments! ⬇️

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Faith in Action or Just an Excuse?

Let’s be honest… have you ever said, “I’m just waiting on God” when, deep down, you were actually just avoiding something?

Be real with yourself.

📌 Didn’t prepare for the interview? “God will make a way.”
📌 Know you should apologize but don’t want to? “God understands my heart.”
📌 Keep pushing off that difficult decision? “I’m praying about it.”
📌 Haven’t even started on that dream? “I’m waiting for confirmation.”

Sounds spiritual, right? Except… what if God is actually waiting on YOU?

🔥 Moses tried this. Faced with the Red Sea and Pharaoh’s army behind him, he cried out to God. You’d think God would respond with some divine encouragement, right? Nope.

“Why are you crying out to me? Tell the Israelites to move on!”

(Exodus 14:15)

Read that again.

MOVE. ON.

Faith is NOT passive.

Faith is Noah building the ark before he saw a single raindrop.
Faith is David picking up stones before he faced Goliath.
Faith is Peter stepping out before he walked on water.

Some of us want miracles, but we’re too afraid to move.

We sit and wait, asking God to do something, while God is asking us to do something.

Yes, God opens doors—but will you actually walk through them?

So here’s the real question: Is your waiting truly faith? Or is it fear disguised as faith?

What’s one thing you’ve been “leaving to God” that He’s actually asking you to act on?

Let’s talk in the comments. 🔥

https://forms.gle/tNUb2EwdyfJSPqCu8

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Afraid of Hell or in Love with God? What’s Really Driving Your Faith?

Let’s be honest—if they removed hell from the equation today, would some people still be Christians?

Or would there be a massive “Back to Sender” movement, with people returning their faith like a faulty Jumia package? 😅

Because, truth be told, for many, Christianity feels more like an insurance policy than a love relationship.

“Make heaven!” That’s the anthem. And for some, it’s not because they love Jesus—it’s because they don’t want to fry in hell like akara.

But wait… is that really the point?

The Fear Factor: Hell as a Motivator

Ah, Nigerian church settings. You know how it goes:

🔥 “If you die in sin, my brother, my sister, FIRE!” 🔥

🔥 “Eternal torment! Gnashing of teeth! You will remember this sermon in hell!” 🔥

You start imagining yourself inside one big suya grill, and immediately, you repent.

In fact, some people’s whole spiritual life is built on “God, please, I don’t want to miss heaven” rather than “God, I just want to know You.”

And let’s not lie—it works. Fear gets people to the altar, to the front row, to the night vigil. But does it change hearts?

Because if fear alone could transform people, why do some still sin secretly, just with more caution?

God Wants Lovers, Not Just Fearful Followers

Imagine a marriage where your spouse stays with you only because they’re scared of divorce. No love, just obligation.

That’s what a fear-based relationship with God looks like.

God doesn’t just want reluctant citizens who are afraid of jail; He wants passionate lovers.

Yes, hell is real. Yes, there’s judgment. But Jesus didn’t die just so we could avoid hell. He died so we could know Him, love Him, and live in Him.

That’s why Scripture says:

“There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment.”

1 John 4:18
Real Christianity is not about running from hell; it’s about running into God’s love.

So, Should We Ignore Hell Completely?

Nope. Fear of consequences is natural. Even Jesus warned about hell. But it’s supposed to be a secondary motivator, not the main reason we follow Him.

If all we have is fear, then our faith is built on insecurity, not intimacy.

What’s Driving Your Faith?

Ask yourself:

  • Do I love Jesus, or am I just scared of judgment?
  • Do I obey God out of delight or just duty?
  • If heaven was just about being with Jesus and not golden streets, would I still want to go?
Maybe it’s time to stop running from hell and start running toward the One who loves you more than life itself.

Over to You!

Let’s gist. Have you ever caught yourself serving God out of fear instead of love? What’s your experience with Nigerian-style fire-and-brimstone preaching? Share in the comments! 🚀🔥