What We Get Wrong About Forgiveness

👉 Does forgiveness mean you have to forget? Should you keep trusting someone who repeatedly hurts you?

Forgiveness.

We preach it, post about it, wear it on t-shirts.
But when it comes to actually doing it—especially when the wound is deep—
we start asking hard questions:

Do I really have to forgive them?
Do I have to act like it never happened?
Am I supposed to trust them again?

Let’s untangle this holy mess.

🧠 Myth 1: Forgiveness Means Forgetting

You’ve probably heard the line:

“Forgive and forget.”

It sounds noble.
But honestly? It’s not biblical.

Nowhere in Scripture are you commanded to delete your memory.

God Himself forgives—and yet He doesn’t forget in the literal sense.
He chooses not to hold it against us. That’s different.

“I will remember their sins no more.” – Hebrews 8:12
(That’s not amnesia. That’s mercy.)

Forgiveness isn’t memory loss.
It’s a conscious decision not to retaliate, not to rehearse the offense, and not to reduce the person to what they did.

💥 Myth 2: Forgiveness = Reconciliation

Let’s be clear:
Forgiveness is one-sided. Reconciliation is two-sided.

You can forgive someone who’s not sorry.
But you can’t rebuild a relationship unless there’s mutual repentance and respect.

God calls us to forgive—but He also gives us wisdom.

“Be wise as serpents and harmless as doves.” – Matthew 10:16

That means:
You can forgive without giving repeat offenders VIP access to your life.

Especially when the pattern is unrepentant.
That’s not unforgiveness—it’s healthy boundaries.

🔁 Myth 3: If They Hurt You Again, You Didn’t Forgive

Nah.
Forgiveness isn’t a force field against disappointment.

You can genuinely forgive someone and still be hurt by them again—especially if they haven’t changed.
It doesn’t mean you failed at forgiveness.
It just means they haven’t changed.

Forgiveness is not naivety.
It’s strength clothed in mercy.

😭 So, What Is Forgiveness, Then?

Let’s simplify it:

Forgiveness is releasing the right to revenge.
You’re saying, “I won’t make you pay. I’ll leave it in God’s hands.”
It’s choosing freedom for yourself.
Unforgiveness keeps you in prison—while the offender lives rent-free in your head.
It’s a heart posture, not a feeling.
You may not feel like forgiving, but forgiveness is an act of obedience.

🔧 But What If They Keep Hurting Me?

Jesus said forgive “seventy times seven.”
But He didn’t say “stay and be abused.”

Forgiveness doesn’t mean ignoring patterns of harm.
It means you don’t seek vengeance while you take the necessary steps to protect your peace.

Forgive them.
Release them.
But wisdom might still say: “I love you—from a distance.”

🧭 What We Get Wrong

Myth: Forgiveness means forgetting.
Truth: It means choosing not to keep score.
Myth: Forgiveness requires full trust again.
Truth: Forgiveness is given. Trust is earned.
Myth: Forgiveness always leads to reconciliation.
Truth: Not always. Some people are better loved with boundaries.

💬 Final Thoughts

Forgiveness isn’t weakness.
It’s the strength to absorb pain without passing it on.
It’s not saying “What you did was okay.”
It’s saying, “I won’t let what you did control me anymore.”

Because forgiveness may not change the person.
But it will definitely change you.